Today is Tayler's Birthday

Today is Tayler's birthday, and I am missing her so much. It just doesnt feel right that she is not here on her birthday. My heart is breaking. It is harder today to be happy that she is with Jesus, because I would love nothing more than to take her face between my hands and wish her a happy birthday and kiss her and breath her in. I know she would have been very excited to turn twelve, only one year away from being an official teenager. I wonder what she would have wanted for her birthday. Would she wanted to get dressed up and go somewhere special or would she have wanted to have a party? I more than miss her.

Random Ramblelings

Last Thursday night my hubby and I went to dinner at B.J.s Brew House in Orlando, it was a work thing, Chris' boss took his people out for dinner. It was very nice, good food, and I got to meet some of the people my hubby works with. Anyway, apparently we missed Tiger Woods. He was there picking up some take out while we were leaving. Oh well.

Friday, Celebration to see the snow.

Sat., worked all day shopped all night.

Sun., church, lunch with friends, nap, dinner. Very good day.

Yesterday my dad called.

me:(whisper)hey
my day: sorry, is everyone asleep?
me: no just Joshua, whats up?
my day: its snowing
me: SHUT UP
my dad: no i swear
me: shut up
my day: really its been snowing all day

So I am really happy for my dad and all my family that lives in Las Vegas, they are getting an early Christmas present for sure. I remember the snow growing up, and I would love for my kids to be able to enjoy it.

Mon., lots of laundry, lots of school. Good day.

Tues., I had the brilliant plan to walk to Publix. I had to get some milk and some stamps and light bulbs nothing that couldnt wait for Chris to get home, but it was a nice day and I figured a walk would be nice. What I didnt figure was how far it was, and how much the wagon would weigh after I loaded Emily and Joshua into it. We went to McDonald's for lunch and then went on to Publix. It was a nice walk. Did some more laundry and some more school. Emily is doing so good.

My top three favorite Christmas gifts
1. my digital camera
2. my dyson vacuum cleaner
3. my sony under the counter c.d. radio. I use this all the time. Every time I am in the kitchen cooking or cleaning I have it on.

Taylers birthday is on Thursday. We are going to have a little party at my dad and Suzannes.
I miss her so much it hurts. I have been thinking about her past birthdays, the surprise party, the party at the bowling alley, and the family parties. She will be parting with Jesus this year.

Its Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christams

Baby its cold outside. It almost feels like a Winter Wonderland, even Frosty the Snowman would be chilly. Its not snowing but if it did I would say Let it Snow. My kids are so excited because Santa Claus is Coming to Town. We went to Publix yesterday and Megan remembered, "Oh Christmas Tree" so we picked one up. While slowly strolling the Christmas aisles at the store I love to Jingle Bells. All this Christmas cheer because long ago on a Silent Night, Away in a Manger the little baby Jesus lay sleeping. I wish Joy to the world this Christmas season.


I love Christmas music. Love it!

Too Late for Thankfulness?

I DONT THINK SO! This Thanksgiving blog may be late but I dont think its ever too late for thankfulness. Thanksgiving was great. We went to my dad and Suzanne's. Lots of food, lots of family, and lots of fun. I am thankful for that. Last year thanksgiving was hard to say the least. Going to the park with friends made it a lot better, and I am thankful for that memory.

I am intentionally directing my thankfulness to God, I think that is important.

I am so thankful for my relationship with God. He is my rock. I am thankful for Jer. 29:11.

I am thankful to God for my husband. I heard from the Lord, at a very young age, that this was the man he made just for me. He completes me. (I talk in movie quotes) He loves me, he protects me, he guides me, he provides for me, and he makes me laugh.

I am thankful to God for my children. I am thankful that I can close my eyes and see Tayler. See her round face and big smile, hear her laugh. I am so thankful that I will see her again one day. I am thankful for Megan, she is so sweet, she has such a servants heart. She is such a blessing to me. I am thankful God knew we needed an Emily. I am so thankful for Joshua our boy, our wild hilarious sweet sweet boy.

I am thankful for family, my mom, my Suzanne, all my dads, and everyone else. I am thankful for my friends, who are like family. The people in my life who I know have been put there by God.

Thankful for technology. I am a gadget junkie. For food, I love food. For music, I love music. For everything that makes life sweeter. For life itself, and the opportunity to be His hands and His feet.

Super Sunday

My husband and I visited a new church yesterday, and if Im honest I will have to admit that I wasnt very excited about it. I made the decision to honor my husband and trust God. We went to church hungry for a word from the Lord and with open hearts. We were very blessed. The music was good. The pastor was humble. The message was relevant (meaning I felt like it was just for me), and his teaching was eaisly applied. We prayed a lot, which my husband later told me he really enjoyed. We also took part in the Lords Supper. The Lords Supper is always a special time, it is an awesome thing to concentrate on what Jesus did on the cross. We left church feeling uplifted, encouraged, and hopeful. I cant tell you how thankful I am.

True to Tayler

Tayler was not shy. She once befriended a WHOLE family. I tell this story with a smile in my heart, so very grateful for the memory...It was when we were going to the Rock on Wed. night for dinner, Awana, and bible study. Dinner was a relaxed time of food and fellowship that I very much enjoyed. How did she do it? She simply started sitting with them. Not just once, but every Wed. night after she got her food she would sit with this same family.

Confession- I don't know if I would have ever taken the time to get to know this awesome family had my daughter not been so set on making them her Wed. night family. Truth be told I was a little intimidated by them. They brought their own plates from home. Yes you read right, they brought their own plates. I guess I wondered among other things if they thought that our family should bring our own plates too.

Anyway, back to my story. I would set her up with her food, drink, and pills at this table with this family that I really didn't know and I would usually sit a couple of tables over. Well it turns out she liked her new family so of course she continued to sit with them. So eventually we were all crowding in on this family and making new friends in the process.

I know Tayler did not befriend this family wondering what is in it for me. I'm pretty sure she just liked them, but God did pour out his blessings on this simple act. Tayler was blessed with a dear friend, and that was an answer to prayer. I was also blessed with a dear friend. I really am amazed at how God used this family to bless Tayler. They bought her, her first Webkinz which provided her with hours of enjoyment. It sounds silly I know but it wasn't. Webkinz was something that Tayler could do and enjoy just like everyone else. I remember her instant messaging with her friend and playing games and just having fun. I remember her and her friend going to the movies, bowling, and having sleepovers. I remember thanking God.

Tayler wanted very much to be "normal". I think it was hard for kids her age to let her be "normal". God used a sweet girl to answer one of my many prayers for Tayler.

Nov 17th came and went. We had to put one year without our daughter behind us. It was hard. Megan has been missing her sister a lot. She cried the other day something she usually doesnt do in front of us. I think we all try to be strong for each other, but it is hard.

Super Tuesday

That really is what they call today. The day when America goes to the polls to cast their vote for the next President of the United States. I exercised my right to vote this morning at about 9:30, and I must say, it was quick and painless. Not only was it painless, but it was quite enjoyable. There was no voter intimidation, or even campaigning happening at my location. The volunteers were pleasant and helpful. I also ran into my cousin and her husband, so again it was very enjoyable.

Truthfully though, I can not say that I went to the polls today with a lot of hope.

I cant see how either candidate will be able to make the kind of changes I feel need to be made in order to get this country back on track so to speak. I am disgusted with some of the decisions and laws that have been passed that have inevitably shaped this country and taken it so far from what it was intended to be.

I will pray for all the women who unfortunately have the legal right to kill their unborn babies, and for the people who continue to make laws that will effect us all. I will also continue to homeschool my children and pray the God protects my right to do so.

ultimately, aside from being thankful for my pleasant experience at the polls, I am left feeling hopeless and disappointed, so I ask you...What do you think needs to be done?

Super Sunday

Of the two catagories churched and unchurched I would say that I fall into the catagory of unchurched. I say this because I did not grow up in church. Something I recently discovered about myself though is that I dont want to be churched. I want to be the church. Sunday was super! A very dear couple who we are very close to joined us in our home for a time of food, fellowship, Bible disscusion, and prayer, but none of these was the focus of our time together. We were all intentionally focusing on the Lord. It was awesome! Praying together was my favorite. It was such a sweet time.

Super Girl

Last night was Halloween, and it was tons of fun. Deanna and I took two fairies, a rag doll, and a scarecrow trick-or-treating. We canvased not one but two neighborhoods. We got tons of candy, and were able to see lots of other trick-or-treaters. I tried very hard to make it special for my children, and I know they had a great time. As for me, I have had a bit of a hard time because I have been thinking a lot about last Halloween. Last Halloween my mom and I took Super Girl, Super Man, a cow-girl, and Minnie mouse out for a massive amount of fall fun. Chris was working so our first stop was Walgreens, then I think we hit up Rocktoberfest, and last but not least we went trunk-or-treating. I have been thinking about how Tayler was Super Girl last year and how fitting that costume was for her. She was not feeling well and I can remember thinking to myself "shes going to need to go into the hospital soon" I had no idea that 17 days later she would leave this Earth to spend eternity with Jesus. I miss her so much. It would have been very easy for me to say "I feel like you might have to go back into the hospital soon, and I really think we should just stay home tonight." I am just so thankful I took my baby trick-or-treating one last time! She was a Super Girl! Someone told me today what they remember about Tayler last year at Rocktoberfest. They said they remember her being so concerned for Joshua, she wanted to make sure he got to do everything, and wanted to make sure he got enough candy. That sounds like my Super Girl for sure. Again I miss her so much.

Emotional Roller coaster

You may have been wondering where I have been...well I have not been at an amusement park. The roller coasters at an amusement park are fun, the one I have been on is not. I have been having a really hard time over the past few weeks. This is some but not all of what I have been dealing with...

guilt, scratch that, anger, scratch that, guilt, scratch that, anger.

See what I mean about it being a roller coaster. Anyway...

guilt

anger

anxiety

loneliness

depression

thankfulness

gratefulness

sadness

disappointment

love

exhaustion

I have been being prayerful throughout this time.
I am married to the most wonderful man who if at any time while I am on this roller coaster I feel I need to throw up will hold my hair back for sure.
Please stay tuned for future posts I have a lot on my heart, and three wonderful children who provide me with a wealth of hilarity I wish to share with the world.

Planet Earth

Currently the discovery channel is rebroadcasting Planet Earth. This makes me very happy. This documentary series is exceptional. I find it absolutely fascinating, and I could easily watch it over and over again.The question I have is this... How can anyone watch this or any program like it and deny God? I just don't get it. Evolution as an explanation for how everything on this planet has a purpose and plays a part in the grand scheme of things seems far fetched at best. When I watch this documentary and I see how a certain animal has exactly what it needs, as far as body type, or lives exactly where it needs to live to survive I feel like I need to praise God. When I see an animal in its natural environment doing what it was created to do, it is always obvious to me that, that behavior is instinctive. I never think to myself wow that animal is very smart to figure out how to do that. I don't want to knock what other people believe. I honestly just don't get it. The awesomeness of creation, in my eyes, can only be explained by pointing out that God himself is totally awesome. Even if I wasn't a christian I think I would have a hard time swallowing evolution as an explanation for creation. There is just something about creation that identifies itself with God the Father.

Easier said then done!

It has been my experience that the plan of action is often easier said then done. Just recently after taking my son to the eye doctor we found out that unfortunately glasses alone are not correcting the problem. The doctor informed me that my son will have to wear a patch over his good eye to strenghthen his weak eye. NOT HAPPY. So wanted the glasses to work. Thinking about how he will look at the park with a patch and glasses . I know not a big deal. MOVING ON. Time to ask questions. How often does he have to wear it? "All the time." How long? "Maybe years." WHAT? Did he just say maybe years? Back to being upset. MOVING ON. "See you guys back in a month." Ok, lets do this. Thinking that my son is never going to wear a patch and glasses, I'm nervous. Very relieved to see the patches are like band aids. Real life thought..."I hope they stick good. They dont! That is my problem. They dont stick. So what am I to do? Possibilities running through my head...

1. glue the patch on (not a joke)
2. wrap his whole head with gauze and tell him he is no longer a pirate, hes a mummy.
3. black out his lense like you would a check engine light
4. tape a cotton ball over his eye
5. hope he gets that eye illness where the crust forms and you cant open your eye (joke)